Sometimes life isn’t the sweetest candy. When I was younger, I often felt that the world was just too heavy. I would look around and always found people who lived fascinating and wonderful lives. Thoughts would come popping into my mind like bubbles out of the blue and maybe I'd wonder resentfully – How did their life become so sweet? How come they can manage to laugh and play around despite having such a busy and stressful life? Some may have been given a deep and cutting tradgedy to bear with and yet they stayed cheerful. I had no tradgedy, life was comfortable, I was healthy and loved and yet I often felt life seemed pointless.

Then I wrote down one night "The secret of life is being happy"

What I'd discovered about those people who managed to stay happy and confident was how they had made a choice to be happy. Sounds too easy doesn't it but this simple discovery was a big turning point in my life. Not easy at first but we often think of the search for happiness as the search for the holy grail. We hope religion might be the secret or that getting married and having children will conclude our quest. We splash out on a gourmet meal, drink too many glasses of fine wine and fall in and out of love and yet still continue to wonder, "Will I ever feel genuinely happy?" It's like the crock of gold at the end of the rainbow.

"Success is getting what you want.Happiness is wanting what you get" English Proverb. "We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." Winston Churchill "Character is what you do when nobody is looking." Henry Huffman

Genuine Happiness Comes from Within

Nothing outside yourself can bring you lasting happiness.  People who are genuinely happy all appear to have a strong sense of self, their eyes are true, they are happy in their skin, consistent in their values and content where they are in their lives. Did they find the crock of gold or did they realise that it was the rainbow that was valuable.

Imagine we go for a swim and we believe the water is cold, we dip in a toe and shiver, get up to our knees and cringe and generally carry on with nothing but 'cold' on our minds. Another person however brushes the word aside and says "It's not cold!" and dives in and starts splashing around and enjoying themselves. The water's temperature didn't change. The only difference was personal perception.

The answer to "When will I be genuinely happy?" is NOW, it always was and always will be, for it's all we ever own. It is our choice to be happy, with emphasis on the word BE. - "That's just pretense", you might say. "Pretending I'm happy doesn't work, I'm still miserable." You are still miserable because you are choosing to be so. Let it go. Start with pretending and you soon loosen up and fit the role!

Now before we get into an argument here, let us first address exceptions. Neither grief nor depression will go away because you will them to. If you have suffered a loss then you are grieving. This is a normal and difficult period of time where you will be deeply hurt and miserable and I think of it as an emotional wound, no less painful than a physical wound. Time will heal as it will heal all wounds and you may scar. Life will go on and you will have opportunities for happiness. At first you will reject them, you would feel disloyal to do otherwise, or callous. In time, it will be normal for you to again choose happiness. Only you will know when that time has come.

There is also depression. Although these may seem the same thing, grieving, sadness and depression, they are not. The body is a physical system that runs on chemicals. It is my belief that depression is caused by an imbalance of chemicals. If you are a woman and using hormones for birth control, try not taking them and see if this makes a difference to your mood. If you are male, look carefully at your diet and alcohol intake and talk to your doctor, if you are a teenager - hormonal changes are happening in your body, look for information about these things. Whatever age or sex you are, seek information and you may find your remedy.

If the sky's beautiful blue and the sun's warm rays bring no joy to you, if a child's smile doesn't encourage your own to appear and if you brood like a hen on the wrongs that have been done to you - then you may be suffering depression. Depression is a serious illness and you should waste no time in finding out everything you can about it and talk to a doctor honestly about your feelings. Have tests done and research your treatment options. A pill is not your only cure; look to diet change and exercise to increase endorphins. Look for company of friends, family and partners, a good social life cures a lot of ills. Get a pet to talk to. Give of yourself, share your thoughts, reach out and make a friend.

It is not always grief or depression that makes us miserable. We have desires that fail to materialise, we beat ourselves up about our failures, we lose our friends and get angry, we get bored and lonely and we turn to solutions that make things worse. Some people have a melancholy nature and seek out sad stories and sad tunes and the sweet tug that it gives to their heart pleases them. All these are normal states of sadness, with a time period that draws to a close when our life changes naturally. If this time period doesn't end, when nothing changes, then it is probably time to look into your heart and decide to change something.

At such times 'being' happy seems an impossible dream. I cannot say that happiness is a matter of will power but I will say that the power of acceptance and gratitude is the stonger. So long as you hold on to the word miserable the concept will flood your life with tears. When it is time to let it go, you will feel a huge wave of acceptance and gratitude and with it will come happiness.

 By JA Francis                                              Next Page - Halelulyah!